When fates align

Like many woman, I have always known something wasn’t quite …..right, normal? I’m not sure how best to describe it, but i simply didn’t see things like other people, and more importantly, almost saw things differently to me. It was like swimming against a tide of incongruous opinions.

I had a vague idea that Asperger’s was an possibility for many years, but I only moved towards diagnosis when it be came an absolute need.  To be honest, I always thought I had dyslexia as it took me sooo long to read and process the information.

The fates for me where 3 fold.

One of my daughters, who is a bright happy good girl, was struggling with her reading at school. School had suggested a pre-assessment for dyslexia.  Turns out she isn’t dyslexic but by then I had dived headlong into the information pool of all thinks “learning disability”.

A colleague at work in a round about way trying very hard not to break every HR rule in the book  managed to suggest Asperger’s was something for me to consider, whilst I was mentioning I had asked for support for a dyslexia test (the answer was no,  but that’s a whole other story).

We had some work announcements and accommodation changes that generated such extreme stress and distress for me that I found it almost impossible to function on any level.

I sat for hours investigating the symptoms of Asperger’s and eventually found some great blogs showing the clear characteristics of symptoms in women. I saw myself in almost everything I read.  I took every test I could find online, several times, over the course of several months.  The tests came out with the same scores, and the scores they were high.

Those changes and announcement though they kept on coming and my distress kept on going. So i decided the only way I could get some dispensation from the horror i was living was to get a diagnosis. The fact that I should need a diagnosis at all to get some support is something i absolutely will muse on in a later post.

I expected the GP to be the first serious hurdle to overcome. I am office trained so i mask. How was i going to get him to take me seriously?  I planned, I researched, I wrote notes to take with.  I didn’t need it. It seems my GP thinks knowing yourself is important. He didn’t even want to read my notes.

But the kicker was there was NO diagnosis pathway so the GP would have to request funding for me to go out of area; and besides it being a legal obligation, there was still no guarantee it would be approved. Even if it was, the process wasn’t  going to start anytime soon. By that I mean basically nothing was going to happen for about 2 years. 2 YEARS. 2 FUCKING COMPLETE YEARS!

In 2 years I was unlikely to still have a job….

The fates had a aligned and i’d tripped over them. But when the fates piss you off you tackle them head on. And in this case, look for a private option that doesn’t require a remortgage. …….



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